Hey y’all. So today was another one of those days the devil tried his hardest on me. The first half of the day at least. But low and behold God per usual comes in like my knight in shining armor and relieves me of his treacherous ways.

I began reading chapter 9 in Uninvited preparing for next weeks devotional and I swear every time I open this book there is something so magical (God) that happens. Its almost as if God knows exactly what Im going through and Lysa somehow wrote the chapters to align with each day/week of my life. Its truly a miracle.

Chapter 9 begins is titled “Why Does Rejection Hurt So Much” . Lysa talks about how she was rejected from a project to be replaced by another woman (a project she was promised  to begin with). WELL HELLO LIFE. Me too. She compares herself over and over again (just like I had to for a year of my life) to some girl she didn’t know, had never met, and was completely intimidated by. She says “This is hard. But whats downright horrible is when God seems to just silently stand by, withholding answers and solutions for which you’ve cried out. That deep hurt can make you question His goodness“. Wow. Yes.

Lysa then goes on to tell us that when we start to compare ourselves and have the runaway thoughts we must stop them and replace them with the truth. We must not form our identity into a lie of what the devil is trying to get us to believe. Just because this woman has what you dont anymore it doesn’t mean anything about you it doesn’t change who you are.

She entitles part of the chapter “You Aren’t Set Aside”. Lysa attends a dinner and is somehow left at an empty table and while she begins to feel alone and set aside. God speaks to her and says, “You aren’t set aside Lysa you are set apart.” This really is so eye opening to my season of life right now. While we often think what is it about me that is not right or trying to figure out why things went wrong because of maybe something we did, it actually has nothing to do with that at all.

She says, “To be set apart is to be given an assignment that requires preparation.” Now the reason I am writing this blog post is so I do not forget every feeling that this chapter caused me to feel. I want to be able to share exactly what went through my head the moment I read it because those raw and vulnerable feelings are what make the most impact when trying to minister to people. Not that I am claiming to be a minister because I am in fact just a normal girl going through normal life things, but I do know I have been called by God to run this devotional so that my story of redemption may help others.

She claims the lesson is this, “Anything that infuses us with humility is good. Even if it feels a bit like humiliation in the moment, the workings of humility within are a gift.” I can’t tell you how humiliated I was and still am to have shared my relationship on social media with such a known person and then to have him reject me for someone else. I wish at times I could take it all back. I wouldnt have posted pictures and shared our lives for everyone to see. I would have been more humble and shared less. But in each season we learn how to be in the next phase of our life. He teaches us humility and how to be completely humble. Even when we face humiliation she says “the sweetest grace lifted my face and I saw that on the other side of the stripping of pride are some of the best gifts God gives us”. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for God showing me humility. It helps me to not focus on worldly things and only to focus on my relationship with Him because ultimately His love story is what I’m after most.

Ever since the live yesterday Ive had so many messages about this other woman being boastful about their new (publicly new) relationship. And low and behold God comes swooping in to my heart and heals the bitter sting of her sharing every feeling she has for him (and he her), and the sweet things he once did for me but is now doing for her on social media for everyone to see. He sends these verses to me : Proverbs 11:2 ” Proud and boastful people will be shamed but wisdom stays with those who are modest and humble.” and also “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” James 4:6. Wow. Just wow. I read these and couldn’t believe how God so directly spoke to my heart. He eased every fear and worry and anxiety about what she was doing. He came in and reminded me that being humble is key, and choosing grace is key. Two words that have been so directly pointed out to me in every thing Ive done in the past few days. I can’t tell you how many times Ive seen those words and for sure they were put into sight by God. 

Lysa then goes on to talk about how she has learned three gifts of humility (rejection). 1. The gift of being made less. She quotes Eugene Peterson on this, “In this sideline, set apart place, God will give you special wisdom you’ll need for the next assignment.” WOOWWW. Big capital letters EXTRA LARGE FONT AND HIGHLIGHT. Ok but seriously how amazing is that. A complete and total eye opening statement. I went from being so busy with a relationship which had no time for God to having quiet time with Him everyday, sometimes for hours on end, immersing myself in His word. And how WONDERFUL it made me feel. How comforted was my heart. No amount of love from a man could fulfill me the way He does. I had to go through this rejection to get to this point. I had to lose what I thought was a life plan and me having it all under control to surrendering my life to God and His word.

The second gift she says is “the gift of being lonely”. One thing highlighted from this part is this, “those lonely times also seem to be when Jesus lavishes His most intimate compassion on me.” And this is so true. Lonely isn’t a feeling I have anymore since I surrendered to Him. He fulfills my heart and every need.

I also highlighted, “When I ease the loneliness ache in others, it is beautifully eased in me”, I can’t describe how true this is for me. The more I share my story with each of you the more I know God is working in your lives and it has been my driving force through this entire process. To read every message and every comment that I have received throughout this process is beyond amazing and comforting and so many adjectives come to mind but it comes down to they are all a blessing. They bless me. Beyond words. To hear your stories (from complete strangers) that you share with me of losing love and finding the love of your life months later, to losing loved ones and so many other scenarios it truly humbles me and allows me to be at peace to know that because I do this devotional you all are hearing the word of God and how He is moving in your lives. He moves mountains. Only Him.

The third gift of humility according to Lysa is the gift of silence. I have the first sentence underlined, “Had I been surrounded by the voice of people I was so eager to meet that night, I would surely have missed the voice of God.” If I had stayed with L I would have never had the relationship with God I have now. I would have never been driven to dive so deep into a love story other than ours. He rescued me. He saved me from so many things but honestly number one was living a life not knowing His true love for me. He so passionately runs after a love story with us, we just have to choose to listen to His call. I would have missed His call had L not rejected me.

The most beautiful sentence in the entire chapter is when Lysa says, “There is something wonderfully sacred that happens when a girl chooses to realize that being set aside is actually God’s call for her to be set apart.” CUE THE TEARS.

I never knew Hannah from the Bible until today. Im sure I had heard of her in Sunday school as a child or in Bible study in high school but today I really felt like I knew her. As if she and I were the same person. On page 113 I encourage you to read the second to last paragraph when she says Hannah was wanting a baby and she was taunted by Peninnah her husbands other wife (so shady btw). Peninnah would rub it in her face any chance she got to let her know she had everything Hannah didn’t. HOW TRUE IS THIS FOR ME TODAY. And not only today this entire week I get screen shots (from people I dont even know and not seeking this information)of the other girl posting how happy they are and what he does for her etc. WOW JUST WOW. Salt in the wound. No compassion. Thanks Penninah enjoy basking in my sadness and rejection but go ahead and post those Godly quotes. See you at church on Sunday!

But glory be to God for grace and forgiveness. What stings for a second is replaced with grace and forgiveness in my heart. She is of the flesh as I am and we are all sinners. No one better than the other.

Hannah didn’t get her child right away but you bet God blessed her with one eventually. In HIS time not hers. And when God is ready for me to have the love of my human life He will bless me with him too. Just as he has blessed her with what was once mine. In the meantime we choose the fourth gift Lysa says which is forgiving. FOR GIVING. Read it again.

Lysa makes us ask ourselves, “What if this opportunity wasn’t really taken away from me” What if I was actually spared of this gift because for me it was really a burden in disguise.” Did I want a life of not being desired by my partner? A life of no celebration of our relationship, no dates, no kisses, no good morning I love you. No prayers or trips to church, and so many other things I know a healthy relationship would have? He rescued me. TRULY SAVED ME. This girl is doing me a favor just like Lysa and her thigh gap lady by “fulfilling this assignment I so didn’t have to”.

And no this stuff doesn’t come naturally, to think this way. But just like Lysa I choose to trust this is Gods protection for me and His provision to her. WIN WIN!!

So in this I too can be all for giving in this opportunity to her. I can stop worrying why she’s better than me, I can stop thinking I’m not good enough or pretty enough or more Christ like and I can just let it be. Because in the end whats meant for us will find us and stay. The assignment of L and I wants meant for me. Its too heavy a burden for me to carry and she was more likely equipped to handle the things I couldn’t. And neither of us can help any of that because its just Gods plan and how He made us.

So I choose grace, and forgiveness and love. So many emotions come to us throughout hardships and rejection but one thing that remains the same is Gods love for us no matter what we may feel in any given moment. Replace your thoughts with truth. Speak them out loud to yourself and feel the peace of God swoop in and calm your heart and mind. He is forever faithful and His plan for you is so beautiful. Just trust Him and His timing. Glory be to God for His everlasting love for us! xoxo -A